I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
