The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i love accidental penises.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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