my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
