My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
