I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
