I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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