I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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