Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
