Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
