So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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