Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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