You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
