the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
