the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have fence marks all over my body
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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