god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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