no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
