Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
