now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
