I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pants are for mortals
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
