We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
