Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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