How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
