you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
