my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Houston, we have a squirter
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
