I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
