Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i've created a new STD.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
