Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
