ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
