Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
