Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
