tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
