OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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