no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
