Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
