I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
