The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
