You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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