You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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