Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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