dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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