i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
