There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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