I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
