You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
