did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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