..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
