I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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