Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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