When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
FUCK WHALES
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
