You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
